I don’t think this hump day should really fucking count as with the long weekend it should be a Tuesday but the calendar states it’s Wednesday and what the fuck as it starts like one.
If it starts like one then it must be one.
Five thirty am, what the fuck am I doing up so early? Well as I uncomfortably attempted to dream sweet ass dreams in bed between the husband and nine year old (yes i fucking know he should be sleeping on his own, however, he refuses to sleep without me right now and my ass is too fucking old for the worlds worst couch) all I hear is……
“Gggrrrrr, woof, woof, bark, whimper, bark, woof, woof” fucking dogs. I love them but ugh!
Roll my ass out of bed, look out the windows, there was nothing, absofuckinlutely nothing. Fuck sakes.
Well I’m up, might as well take them out and press brew on the coffee machine. Going to need that shit today.
Alright, hanging around, chilling, enjoying caffeine, mmmmmmmmm caffeine. And……
“Vvvrrrrooommmmm, whhhaaaappppp!” “Bark, bark, woof, woof, whimper, dogs are running around like fucking idiots again!
What the fuck???
Ahhhhh yes, the oldest three children have arrived back from their dads for school. My oldest son has the loudest fucking truck ever and at his age of seventeen loves to fucking rev it up. I am sure my neighbors want to strangle him as much as I do when he does it at six thirty in the fucking morning!
Daughter comes in, ugh! Oh gawd, never a good sign when she starts that way. What’s wrong? I don’t think I really wanted to know, it’s too fucking early but had to ask so she knows I care. “I have to do pictures today, I hate pictures and they might make us wear our masks in them” What the fuck would be the point of that shit? She didn’t know either, so if anyone has the answer to that please enlighten me.
I head outside to the step for a smoke, go to sit down and the oldest is walking up. Now there is three fucking steps to get to the door. He takes one step up, gets to the second, lifts his leg and rips ass!!! Like fucking loud n nasty, even outside you could smell it. “Morning mom” well good fucking stinky morning to you too son. He continues inside.
Second oldest boy comes walking up. “Morning mom” takes step one, gets to step two, just as I’m about sit on step one, he lifts his leg and you fucking guessed it, rips ass too!!!! “What the fuck? You’re brother just did that too, for real” “hehehehe, really?” And he continues inside. At least his was only loud and not smelly. For real though, fucking boys!
Every time they are with their dad they come back gaseous and taking dumps that clog the toilets. Next I’ll be plunging the fucking shit, literally.
When I came back in I asked what they had last night, which was little cesars pizza, better known to me as colon cleanser, the pizza is not gross, it’s just super fucking greasy and the shit will slide right out you the next day!
What the fuck Wednesday, I have not been up two hours yet, the younger ones are still asleep and so far you have disturbed my shitty sleep that I still needed, made teenage girl miserable, better watch I don’t piss her off more and fucking crop dusted me twice by nasty teenage boys!
Boy oh boy, I can’t wait for the rest of today to get going! How’s your what the fuck Wednesday?